When Motherhood Leaves You Running on Empty.
You’re tired, but not in a way that sleep seems to fix. Your hair might be falling out more than usual. Your digestion feels off. You catch every cold going around. You forget words mid-sentence. And somewhere along the way, you’ve started to feel a little less like yourself.
You tell yourself it’s normal. Everyone says motherhood is exhausting. So you keep going - smiling, coping, pushing through - because that’s what mothers do.
But what if this isn’t just “new mum tiredness”?
What if there’s a reason you feel this way?
As someone who has worked with hundreds of women in the months and years after birth, I can tell you: this is not just in your head. It’s not a personal failing. And you’re certainly not the only one feeling this way.
Postnatal depletion is a term used to describe a very real, very common state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion that can happen when a mother’s needs go unmet after birth. It’s not the same as postnatal depression or anxiety, and it’s not (yet..) a medical diagnosis, but that doesn’t make it any less real.
If you’ve been feeling flat, foggy, or not quite like yourself, I hope what follows helps you understand why, and reminds you that you don’t have to just push through.
What Is Postnatal Depletion?
Postnatal depletion is a term coined by Australian GP Dr Oscar Serrallach, and while he may have named it, it describes something women have always known in their bones.
The deep exhaustion, the brain fog, the emotional flatness, the sense of losing yourself, these experiences are not new. But for too long, they’ve gone unnamed.
Naming something like postnatal depletion helps women move from ‘What’s wrong with me?’ to ‘Oh, that’s what this is.’ It offers validation. It helps mothers understand that what they’re feeling isn’t a personal failing. It’s a real, physiological and emotional response to the enormous transition of becoming a mother, one that involves their bodies, their brains, and their identities.
Postnatal depletion is not the same as postnatal depression or anxiety. Depression and anxiety are clinical conditions with specific diagnostic criteria - like persistent low mood, panic, or intrusive thoughts. Depletion, on the other hand, is not a mental illness. It’s a whole-body, whole-person state of being worn down - physically, emotionally, and mentally - by the demands of pregnancy, birth, and mothering without enough time, care, or support to recover.
And it’s so very common.
What’s Happening in Your Body & Brain
What Physiologically, pregnancy and birth take a massive toll. Your body builds a whole human, sometimes more than one, and that requires enormous energy and nutrients. Many women enter pregnancy already low in things like iron, zinc, vitamin D, magnesium, and B12, and those demands only increase throughout pregnancy and after birth. Add blood loss, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, and the emotional load of parenting, and the tank quickly runs dry.
On top of that, your brain literally changes. There are shifts in grey matter that help you attune to your baby’s needs, but they also make you more sensitive to stress. Hormone levels fluctuate wildly. And when you're chronically sleep-deprived, your body struggles to regulate mood, memory, and energy. Many women describe this foggy, disconnected feeling, like they’ve lost their sharpness, their spark, or even themselves.
But what I always say is this: common doesn’t mean normal. It might be common to see mothers running on empty, snacking on toast just to get through the day, waking constantly, and smiling through tears, but that doesn’t mean it’s how things should be.
Why Support Matters
In many traditional cultures, the postnatal period is treated as sacred - a time for rest, nourishment, and gentle transition. New mothers are fed warming foods, kept close to home, and surrounded by support. There’s an understanding that caring for the mother is essential to the wellbeing of the baby.
In contrast, modern Western culture often expects mothers to bounce back within weeks. You might be hosting visitors, responding to emails, returning to work, or trying to make it to baby yoga while still healing, leaking, and learning how to take care of a newborn. The pressure to do it all - and to do it with a smile - is relentless.
It’s no wonder up to 80% of new mothers report feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
We’re often told that this is just “what motherhood is,” but the reality is: we were never meant to do this alone.
Motherhood is biologically and emotionally demanding. It’s designed to unfold within a web of support - elders, peers, aunties, community. When that support is missing, the strain lands on one person’s shoulders. And when the mother is unsupported, her health - physical, mental, and emotional - can begin to unravel.
Too often, the signs of depletion are minimised or ignored. Mothers are praised for being selfless, for putting themselves last, for “doing it all.” But being constantly needed without being nourished isn’t sustainable. It’s not a badge of honour - it’s a warning sign.
Support isn’t a luxury. It’s a protective factor. It’s how we buffer stress, replenish what’s been lost, and feel human again.
Common Signs & Symptoms of Postnatal Depletion
So how do you know if what you’re feeling might be postnatal depletion?
Many women don’t realise it’s happening until they’re months, or even years, into motherhood, still feeling exhausted, foggy, or not quite like themselves. These symptoms can be subtle at first, easily dismissed as “just part of being a mum.” But they’re worth paying attention to.
Here are some of the most common signs and symptoms of postnatal depletion:
Physical:
Ongoing fatigue and poor-quality sleep
Hair loss, low libido, painful or heavy periods
Frequent illness, inflammation, or gut issues
Nutrient deficiencies (e.g. iron, B12, vitamin D, magnesium)
Cognitive:
Brain fog and forgetfulness
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Feeling mentally “slowed down” or foggy
Emotional:
Irritability, weepiness, or emotional flatness
Feeling overwhelmed, guilty, or not like yourself
“Wired but tired” - anxious and alert, yet exhausted
What Helps?
Whole-Person Care
My approach is about integrating psychology, nutrition, and community support, because we are whole people, and mothers deserve whole-person care. Support needs to be layered, not prescriptive. It's not about "fixing" mothers, but helping them reconnect with themselves, gently, practically, and without shame.
Nutrition
Many mothers are running on caffeine and leftover crusts, often not having eaten a real meal in days. One of the first steps is reconnecting with real food: slow-cooked meats, leafy greens, eggs, nuts, seeds, and broths. These nourish your body and help replenish depleted stores of iron, zinc, magnesium, B vitamins, and omega-3s.
Rest (not just sleep)
Deep rest is essential for recovery. That might mean lying down during the day, saying no, or letting the house be messy. It might also be saying yes to help from others. Rest isn’t lazy, it’s necessary. You don’t need to prove your worth through productivity. You need space to rest and recover.
Reconnecting With the Basics
Sometimes, it starts as simply as stepping outside. Sunlight, a breath of fresh air, a glass of water, five minutes of quiet. These aren’t luxuries, they’re foundations. Movement that feels good. Moments to breathe. Little acts of reconnection.
Health Check-In
If symptoms of depletion are showing up - fatigue, low mood, brain fog, hair loss - it’s important to seek support. That could mean seeing a GP, nutritionist, naturopath, or nurse practitioner who understands postnatal health, and asking for some investigation into your symptoms.
Connection
You are not meant to do this alone. Whether it’s a friend, a support group, a helpline, or someone who just gets it, find your village, one safe connection at a time. Being witnessed in your experience can be deeply healing.
Emotional Support
Motherhood changes your identity, and that deserves space. You might need help putting words to the shifts you’re going through, setting boundaries, or naming the loss of autonomy. It's okay to say “This isn’t what I expected” without feeling like you have to soften it with “…but I love my baby.” Both can be true.
Mental Health Support
If your emotional state feels more than you can manage, please speak to a professional. Postnatal anxiety and depression are treatable, and early support can make a world of difference.
Plan Ahead
Create a postnatal plan the way you would a birth plan. What meals will nourish you? Who can step in to help? Who can you talk to when things feel hard? Postnatal care should be just as intentional as pregnancy care.
From One Mother to Another…
Postnatal depletion is real. It’s a common but often overlooked condition that affects your body, mind, and energy, sometimes for months or even years after birth. It can show up as exhaustion, brain fog, low mood, nutrient deficiencies, and a sense of feeling unlike yourself.
It’s not the same as postnatal depression, but that doesn’t make it any less important to address.
The good news is: postnatal depletion is treatable. With the right support - rest, nutrition, medical care, and emotional connection - you can recover.
If you’re feeling depleted, tired beyond reason, or just not like yourself, please know this:
You are not weak. You are not imagining it.
And you don’t have to just push through.
Help is available. You can feel better. And you deserve to.
Take care,
Jo x
💛 Support Services & Helplines (Australia)
PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia)
Support for all parents and carers experiencing perinatal mental health challenges.
📞 1300 726 306 (Mon–Sat)
🌐 panda.org.au
Beyond Blue
24/7 mental health support for anyone experiencing anxiety, depression or emotional distress.
📞 1300 22 4636
🌐 beyondblue.org.au
Lifeline
24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention.
📞 13 11 14
Text: 0477 13 11 14
🌐 lifeline.org.au
Parentline
Confidential counselling for parents and carers.
📞 1300 30 1300 (QLD & NT)
📞 13 22 89 (NSW)
📞 1300 1300 52 (VIC)
📞 1800 111 546 (WA)
🌐 parentline.com.au
13YARN
A culturally safe crisis support line for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people.
📞 13 92 76 (24/7)
🌐 13yarn.org.au
QLife
LGBTIQA+ peer support and referral service.
📞 1800 184 527 (3pm–midnight daily)
🌐 qlife.org.au
MensLine Australia
Support for men with emotional health, relationships, and parenting.
📞 1300 789 978 (24/7)
🌐 mensline.org.au
Sands (part of Red Nose)
Support for miscarriage, stillbirth, and newborn loss.
📞 1300 308 307 (24/7)
🌐 rednosegriefandloss.org.au
The Pink Elephants Support Network
Support for those experiencing early pregnancy loss.
📧 Emotional Support Service — access via their website
🌐 pinkelephants.org.au
